THING DATABASE
Name: Plastic Candle

Purpose: Unknown

Special Abilities: Glows, Provides minimal heat

Usually Found: Window Sills (seasonal), Non-denominational Churches

Origins: A box in the basement

Danger Level: Medium-High, tendency to cause severe depression in humans

 Hit Points: 26, aim for the head

Charisma: Inept, looked down upon by peers, avoided by sane humans
Name: Toothbrush

Purpose: Brushing human teeth

Special Abilities: Disappearing From Luggage, Switching Places with other Toothbrushes of the same Shape and Color, Dropping Toothpaste that has just been placed on it, Scaring small Children

Origins: The Dentist, Collected from some Table at some Fair

Danger Level: Moderate, tendency to multiply to increase power, disappear when needed, and get itself left in cities you will never visit again

 Hit Points: 10,068, only five have ever been successfully destroyed

Charisma: Medium, can become pompous towards peers due to its supposed usefulness
Name: Small Plastic Head

Purpose: Unknown

Special Abilities: Focus for meditation, Able to cause even non-contemplative humans to question reality and the meaning of life

Origins: Most likely travelled to earth via meteor

Danger Level: Approach with caution. Little is known about this thing. Definitely hazardous to small children, the mental effects on adults are less obvious, but most likely more severe.

 Hit Points: 28, 332, made from what appears to be an unbreakable alien substance. The best way to dispose of object is to throw it over a cliff or give it away to someone else.

Charisma: Small Plastic Head has a cool, unapproachable demeanor. Though certainly not freindly, its mysteriousness makes it popular among freaks and curious things.
Name: Mason Jar Full of Small Things

Purpose: Providing false sense of organization

Special Abilities: Obfuscation, Serving as extra drinking glass when company comes, magically producing quarters in desperate quarter-seeking situations.

Origins: Must have come with the apartment

Danger Level: Low. Mason Jar Full of Small Things is so passive and well-behaved, a person can have hundreds of them around without even realizing they are there. This does not mean one's guard should be let down. Certain MJFoST have been known to carry dangerous weapons such as sewing needles and razor blades.

 Hit Points: 82. Though made from a supposedly breakeable material, MJFoST came from a time when things were made to last. Its vulnerable area is its head, which is open, allowing for its small thing guts to spill onto the ground if it is tipped upside down.

Charisma: Very Low. Mason Jar Full of Small Things is an absolute bore.
Name: Squeezy Fish

Purpose: Being Squeezed

Special Abilities: Making a funny noise sometimes, Keeping a feather afloat, Annoying the hell out of people, Acting as a makeshift flask

Origins: Until recently, it was assumed that this Thing came from the sea. It is now believed that Squeezy Fish has been smuggled to this planet by a small group of well-dressed pranksters. Their reasons for bringing these things into our world are not yet known.

Danger Level: High. All squeezy Fish must be turned over to the DOTC immediately for further investigation. Anyone caught harboring one will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Hit Points: 213. The most effective way to destroy Squeezy Fish is to cook it in the microwave on the frozen entree setting for no less than 16 minutes.

Charisma: There's no doubt about it, Squeezy Fish has innocent and seductive looking eyes. These are used to lure in owners and make them want to hug and kiss it. Its bubbly nature and witty jokes makes it loved by other things. Beware, and do not be manipluated.
Name: Bunch of Dead Batteries

Purpose: To Fuck with You

Special Abilities: Able to multiply and take over entire junk drawers, Completely immune to being thrown away, Capable of escaping from remote controls, Able to consistantly make small electrical things work for as long as it takes you to leave the house with them

Origins: Beamed into your junk drawers while you are sleeping

 Hit Points: 58, 683, 991. Dead batteries are already dead. Good luck.

Charisma: These things are not well-liked by humans. They cause nothing but pain, suffering, frustration, and missed photo opportunites. We have to assume, though, that they posess some sort of charm that allows them to convince their still living counterparts to switch places with them.
Name: Pingu

Purpose: Vessel

Special Abilities: Hypnosis

Origins: Brought back as a souvinir from some strange country by some person who had a crush on you once.

 Hit Points: 3042. It seems to know your every move before you do. Try facing it away form you and putting bag over its head.

Charisma: It doesn't need charisma when it has mind control.

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